Planetary Retrograde Survival Guide: When Every Planet Decides to Walk Backward Through Your Life
Your comprehensive manual for navigating the cosmic traffic jams of the solar system
If Mercury Retrograde is the universe's favorite party trick, then the other planetary retrogrades are like having the entire cosmic family (including unc) show up unannounced for an extended stay. Each planet brings its own special brand of trouble, and knowing what to expect can mean the difference between rolling with the cosmic punches and spending three weeks hiding under your bed with an emergency supply of cope.
What follows is a quickstart survival guide for when the solar system decides to collectively Michael Jackson-moonwalk through your existence. Buckle up—this is going to be a bumpy ride through space and time.
Venus Retrograde: Love Lost in Translation
Every 18 months, Venus—the planet of love, beauty, and all things aesthetically pleasing—decides to take a leisurely stroll backward through the cosmos for about 40 days. This is approximately how long it takes for every romantic relationship on Earth to question “where is this going”, “do we really know each other” and “will she be down for italian chandelier?”
During Venus Retrograde, love does not just become complicated—it becomes a philosophical dissertation. Old flames resurface with the timing of bad sitcom reruns. Current relationships suddenly require emergency couples therapy. Friendships go awry in the workplace and after hours. Your aesthetic sense abandons ship, leaving you convinced that neon green really does go with everything.
As astrologer Robert Hand explains in Planets in Transit, "Venus retrograde brings us face to face with our deepest values around love and money, often forcing us to reconsider what we truly desire versus what we think we should want."¹ In other words, Venus Retrograde is when the universe hands you a cosmic mirror and asks, "Are you sure about that haircut?"
Survival Strategy: Avoid major relationship decisions, resist the urge to text your ex (no matter how philosophical that 2 AM message seems), and maybe postpone that nose piercing until Venus remembers how to walk forward. Use this time to reconnect with what actually makes you happy rather than what looks good on Instagram.
Mars Retrograde: Performance Issues
Mars goes retrograde every two years for about two months, transforming from the planet of action and drive into the cosmic equivalent of a wet noodle. Motivation not only plummets—it goes into witness protection and changes its identity.
During Mars Retrograde, starting new projects feels like trying to start a campfire with wet matches. Your gym membership becomes decorative. That novel you were writing gets relegated to "someday" status alongside learning French and organizing your sock drawer. All ambitions need a nap when the planet of war is painting rocks in garrison.
Astrologer Erin Sullivan notes in Retrograde Planets that "Mars retrograde periods are times when our usual methods of assertion and action are called into question, forcing us to develop more refined approaches to getting what we want."² Translation: the universe has temporarily confiscated your "get stuff done" license and issued you a learner's permit for patience.
Survival Strategy: This is not the time to launch that startup or train for a marathon. Instead, use Mars Retrograde to refine existing projects, practice new skills without pressure, and maybe finally finish something you started three retrogrades ago. Your future motivated self will thank you.
Jupiter Retrograde: When Your Dreams Need a Reality Check
Jupiter, the planet of expansion, optimism, and believing that everything will work out because the universe loves you, goes retrograde once a year for about four months. During this time, your big dreams do not disappear but they do face a cosmic fact-checking.
Jupiter Retrograde is when the universe politely but firmly suggests that maybe you should have a backup plan for your backup plan. That business idea that seemed genius at 3 AM? It might need some workshopping. Your unwavering faith in your own abilities? Prepare for some gentle reality adjustments courtesy of the cosmos.
As Steven Forrest observes in The Book of Jupiter, "Jupiter retrograde asks us to distinguish between genuine wisdom and mere opinion, between authentic growth and wishful thinking."³ It is like having a cosmic life coach who specializes in tough love and uncomfortable truths.
Survival Strategy: Use Jupiter Retrograde for internal expansion rather than external conquest. This is prime time for education, philosophy, and developing a more nuanced understanding of your goals. Dream big, but maybe sketch out the blueprint before you start building.
Saturn Retrograde: The Universe's After School Detention
Saturn goes retrograde once a year for about four and a half months, turning from the solar system's stern taskmaster into its most demanding philosophy professor. If regular Saturn is about external discipline and structure, Saturn Retrograde is about confronting every shortcut you have ever taken and every responsibility you have avoided.
During Saturn Retrograde, the universe hands you a detailed report card of your life choices, complete with suggestions for improvement written in red ink. Every unfinished project, every broken promise to yourself, every "I'll deal with that later" comes knocking on your door with a briefcase full of consequences.
Astrologer Liz Greene explains in Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil that "Saturn retrograde periods offer us the opportunity to rebuild our internal authority, to become our own disciplinarians rather than waiting for external circumstances to force structure upon us."⁴ It is cosmic boot camp for your sense of responsibility.
Survival Strategy: Embrace the audit. Use Saturn Retrograde to review your commitments, reorganize your priorities, and finally address those nagging responsibilities you have been avoiding. Think of it as spring cleaning for your life structure—exhausting but ultimately liberating.
The Retrograde Calendar: Planning Your Cosmic Survival
Here is the thing about planetary retrogrades: they are predictable. Astronomers can calculate exactly when each planet will appear to move backward from Earth's perspective, which means you can plan your cosmic survival strategy in advance.
The Annual Retrograde Breakdown:
Mercury: 3-4 times per year, 3 weeks each
Venus: Every 18 months, 40 days
Mars: Every 2 years, 2 months
Jupiter: Once per year, 4 months
Saturn: Once per year, 4.5 months
What this means is that at any given time, at least two or three planets are in retrograde. The outer planets (Jupiter through Pluto) spend so much time in retrograde that it is actually noteworthy when they are all moving direct.
The Retrograde Mindset: Thriving in Cosmic Reverse
The secret to surviving planetary retrogrades is not to hide under a blanket until they are over (though honestly, that is not the worst strategy). It is to understand that retrogrades are not cosmic punishments, rather they are cosmic course corrections.
As astrologer Robert Wilkinson explains in Astrology and the Evolution of Consciousness, "Retrograde periods offer us the gift of reconsideration, the opportunity to approach familiar territory with new wisdom and perspective."⁸ They are like developmental editors for your biography, going back through the manuscript of your life and suggesting revisions.
Universal Retrograde Survival Strategies:
Embrace the "Re" Words: Review, revise, reconnect, reconsider, reorganize, rest. Retrogrades love activities that start with "re" because they're all about going back to move forward more effectively.
Practice Patience: Fighting retrograde energy is like trying to swim upstream in cosmic molasses. Work with the energy instead of against it, and you will find the current much more manageable.
Keep Perspective: Remember that retrogrades are temporary. They are cosmic weather patterns, not permanent life conditions. This too shall pass, and when it does, you will likely be grateful for the lessons learned and insights gained.
Stay Flexible: Retrogrades specialize in unexpected plot twists. The more rigid your plans, the more likely they are to need cosmic revision. Build flexibility into your expectations, and you will spend less time feeling frustrated when planets rearrange your schedule.
Conclusion: Dancing Backward Through the Cosmos
Living with planetary retrogrades is like learning to dance with a partner who occasionally decides to lead by walking backward. It is confusing at first, occasionally frustrating, but ultimately it teaches you to be more aware, more flexible, and more skilled at navigating life's inevitable changes.
The planets will continue their cosmic dance whether we understand it or not, appearing to move backward and forward through our skies in predictable patterns that have fascinated humans for millennia. Whether you view retrogrades as astronomical phenomena or cosmic guidance systems, they offer us regular opportunities to pause, reflect, and reconsider our path forward.
So the next time you check your astrology app and discover that half the solar system is moving backward, do not panic. Take a deep breath, stock up on patience and chocolate, and remember: sometimes the universe's best gifts come wrapped in apparent chaos. The planets are not conspiring against you—they are just giving you permission to slow down and make sure you are headed in the right direction.
After all, even the cosmos occasionally needs to back up and try a different approach. If it is good enough for Jupiter, it is good enough for the rest of us.
Works Cited
Hand, Robert. Planets in Transit: Life Cycles for Living. Atglen: Whitford Press, 2001, 234.
Sullivan, Erin. Retrograde Planets: Traversing the Inner Landscape. Boston: Weiser Books, 2000, 67.
Forrest, Steven. The Book of Jupiter. Chapel Hill: Seven Paws Press, 2010, 156.
Greene, Liz. Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil. York Beach: Samuel Weiser, 1976, 201.
Wilkinson, Robert. Astrology and the Evolution of Consciousness. Franklin Lakes: New Page Books, 2007, 145.